January 11, 2008

I woke up it was 7
I waited till 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think i got a lot of friends but I don’t hear from them
What’s another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own
And maybe when the night is dead, I’ll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I’ll try to think about the last time, I had a good time
Everyone’s got somewhere to go
And they’re gonna leave me here on my own

I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare
I’m just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don’t fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I’m bored and I can’t fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever
I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare
I’m just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world.

I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare
I’m just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is
Having more fun than me tonight

I’m all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I’m just a kid tonight

This song is by simple plan. ;D it’s really nice. you should listen to it!

xxx

i still can’t get over the fact that i transferred school. I love crescent, k. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying that Nanyang isn’t good. But there’s just so much to give up… My friends, my life there, my teachers, my talent there, the tablet pcs, and everything… In Nanyang, i’m nothing, i’m just a loser, a nobody. But in Crescent, i’m with everyone, and i’m having the most fun i could ever have. And my talent always show there. Everyone wants to be good at something. And at crescent, i’m good at Canoeing. And i was even selected for Sports Cca. And i have to do calligraphy in nanyang, something that i suck at. In Crescent, i have the most supporting friends and teachers. Especially Dorothy. (hey girl, thanks for everything. You’ve been there. And i’m really sorry for leaving.) In Nanyang, i have to be who i was in Nanyang Pri. Life is so UNFAIR. I don’t know why la, but i was so so sad when i got into Nanyang. First few days was painful. Next few days was okay. But their orientation is not so fun. Crescent orientation rocks. (: they spent loads of money on us. But nanyang’s a good school… *sigh*, maybe i’ll just try harder, and adapt to nanyang. It’s going to be my life for another 4 years/6 years. Sometimes (or rather, most of the time), you don’t get what you want, you don’t get what you wish. Usually whatever you do is for your parents, for everybody else around you. And you keep it to yourself, without spouting it out. I want Crescent, i want to HAVE FUN, i want everything in crescent. Everywhere i go in nanyang remind me of crescent. I had so much fun during canoeing in crescent, i was actually selected for that cca la. And nanyang doesn’t have it. Crescent is a future school la. ;P When i go to the canteen in Nanyang, i think, “oh yea, here have this.” then later, “this is Nanyang, not crescent. Stop thinking about crescent!” i keep on thinking about crescent. I don’t know why. but i can’t look forward, i always stay in the past. And my crescent class is so freaking ENTHU. and my counsellors are so caring and loving. [: Crescent rules. And their school song is so nice!! Crescent will always, always remain in my heart, no matter what. But i would like to thank Wei Yu (YOU’VE BEEN GREAT!), Xin Wei (or Pauline?) (YOU’RE FANTASTIC), RAE! (rock on, girl.), Yuan Mei, Qian Yi, Ashley, Joanne (or Joan?), Kayla, and etc and etc. You all have been there for me in Nanyang. I hope you’ll continue to help me! (: You all are fantastic. I love you. ;D

I had my first bowling lesson last sunday. Tomorrow i’m going to make my ball! The first time i bowled after Coach taught me, i got 73. ): then later i got 164. (: after he pointed out my mistake. And i’m going to competitions. (: and i used a 6 pounds ball. )):: haha. isaac said that i should be using 11 or 12 pounds. and i used a two times lighter ball. hahaha, lol! i suck. (btw, isaac, i want your 11 pounds ball, I’ll redrill the holes, and THANKS!, bro.) And isaac said that my coach sucks. How could he! i didn’t know that Singapore Poly was right beside ACS. Singapore Poly’s Bowling thing is really nice. (: and coach’s wife gives us sweets. Mint Mentos, when you bowl and you chew that, it’s pretty shuang. ;D
BE happy, Stay happy. (:
(i’m just a kid… and life is a nightmare, i’m just a kid, i know that it is not fair)
I’m playing I’m just a kid on repeat. ;D

My teachers are nice. {: they’re all “in”. and nanyang socks are ANKLED! (: isaac’s jealous, ha! his socks are LONG and NERDY. ;P lol… ooo! their bookshop is nice. (: andandand. It’s so cool taking public bus home. Serious. (: you are care-free and all. and i forgot to bring my ezlink card for two days. And i’m always changing notes for coins.

WHYWHYWHY AM I LIVING ALWAYS IN THE PAST? WHY! WHY CAN’T I JUST MOVE FORWARD?
i used tried to make things better, and i always thought it’s my fault, and i regretted so much, and i wanted you back, and i wanted the past. But i’ve moved forward from that. I saw you. I saw you talking to me. I re-read your message(s) for one whole day. I know, i know i should give up already. I know who you are. And i can’t change that. Goodbye, dear friend, goodbye. You’re another person who just came and exited. But you’re always in my memory, sweetie, the good times are always here. And, thanks for everything, friend. But i’m not trying anymore. It’s over, over. I’ve forgotten about it, i won’t say anything else, i’m already forgetting.

Sometimes, it’s really amazing how someone can transform. Someone who hates you and helps you. (it’s interesting, isn’t it?) Someone who bad-talks you, someone who hais you. But she helped you from a Major Crisis. I don’t hate you anymore. I admire you, for who you are. You are kind to everyone, even to people whom you hate. All the best, girl. Rock on.

Wow, it feels so good to get this all out. You just need to listen to emo songs on repeat, and then you can write almost anything.

oh, and JINGWEN (the IT savvy girl) made a DISPLAY PICTURE FOR ME! It’s a picture of Little Miss Helpful but instead of the words Little Miss Helpful, it’s Little Miss BERNICE. <3 it. thanks so much, jingwen. (:

I’ve learnt to be independent. I’ve learnt to be a loner and ‘ve learnt to not care. ‘ve learnt to do many things on my own. Not being sad, and feeling like a fool. I’ve got friends, but not anyone that close enough. I’ve learnt to be just a friend, someone who actually existed, but fading slightly. I’ve learnt to pretend, I’ve learnt to be nice. I said hi and smile to people whom i dislike. Sometimes, it’s just better this way.

Oh and i notice that tanned guys are much more charming than white guys. It’s not that i’m obsessed or anything. But when they walk past, i just notice. White guys are so…..average (a better word ;D). oh and i saw cynthia at the bus stop on the way hommee. home is the best place on earth.

NOBODY’S VISITING MY POOR PATHETIC BLOG. ):

ohwell. at least i’m posting. (:

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