please link/relink:

http://apathofregrets.blogspot.com (mine)

and/or (if you want)

http://hearts-and-butts.blogspot.com (yuanmei & mine)

thankyou!

I really x147683925 hope that i can transfer! D And the dance teacher actually thought that i was in gym! -.- She nicknamed me “xiao ti cao”. Gosh, it’s sooo embarrassing answering teachers questions and showing the class how to do the moves! ): Now i’m kinda tired of it… SIGH. ):

OHOHOH i went back to ny today! (: Ny’s still the samme! And people still remember me! (: HI PEOPLE! <3 And isaac was so kind to pick me up and bring me to ny. (unfortunately as i don’t know how to go ny) But he was perspiring by the time he came. He said he ran all the wayyy. I feel so bad. But anyway, when we went in, his juniors were sooo cutee! They kept on asking him if i was his gf! Then we decided to play with them. We answered, “yes” Then his juniors was like, “really meh!” then isaac was like, “yea, cannot is it? jealous ah?” HAHAHA. so funny. Then in the end we told them it was fakee. Trust them to believe us in the first place. And mrs lee talked to me over the phone! When i was still stuck in school, isaac called me and asked me to talk to mrs lee. Then when he picked me we went to coro and bought a TIGGER (it was so freaking cute) for her. And the shop aunty actually asked us if we know XINGTING! LOLS! (:

Then i went to king albert’s with jiewei. And there were these two guys that were doing the scary thing again! (nat, you know!) WHY AM I ALWAYS SO UNLUCKY! ): Then jiewei was kind enough to change tables! (: Then i played with his phone (a.k.a. smsing) and he actually shooed off the girl who likes her! AND THAT GIRL ACTUALLY BELIEVED THAT WE WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP -.- God. But it was fun. And jiewei actually chased my bus for me but unfortunately he didn’t reach it, what a waste! Then he could have taken other buses but he waited for me until my bus came! SO SWEET. I guess friendship still stays. [:

But I hate it…
You know exactly what to do
So that I can’t stay mad at you
For too long that’s wrong
Everything you do make me wanna smile

SHOOTS, i have to go again!

And nat, sorry for not calling you today! ):
 

Today’s STELLA’s birthday! Xin Wei, Yuan Mei & me bought a present for her! IT’S A SUPERDUPER CUTE PIGLET! Omg i want one too. ): She’s the oldest in class, haha!

Our teachers scold us, then apologise…it’s soo different from pri school; still not used to it. But i guess they have our best interest at heart. ;D We sang 2 birthday songs for stella, and our maths teacher saw the “happy birthday stella” on the board and said happy birthday to her! :] hahaha. IT WAS SO SWEET. Today, i mean. OHOHOH, yuan mei and i and stella kept on laughing today. ‘Cos of this girl. Then yuan mei started it, then we added in. OMG is was so damn funny. Then stella laughed out loud and yuan mei followed and i was trying so hard to control but i still started laughing, and the whole class was staring at us, and by whole class i mean our english teacher too. yuan mei said that she, stella and me are the three laughing machines! hahahaha! (:

It’s like a bully who has been bullying you came up to you and pushed you down to the floor. Then he offered you his hand, and you saw pity in his eyes, and he said sorry. You deicided to take his hand. When he pulled you up halfway, he shove you again, and this time, harder than before.
I hate that feeling.

I LOVE WORDPRESS! and i really love it. For wordpress, anyone who wants to leave comments must be approved by yourstruly. So i can choose to don’t accept comments from people i don’t know! (: HAHAHA.

OMG i have to go. BYEBYEBYE! (:

Weiyu and i went to the popular bookstore today to get a valentine’s day gift for her bf. *cough* (: and in the end, we end up laughing like hell ‘cos of the girl that looks like pearlyn. and we were calling her and when she did turn around, we realise that she was someone else! but it was sooo similiar! [: then later i was telling her how she holds soft toys. Winnie the pooh & friends, to be exact. She actually pinches their noses and takes them out! GOD, when i told her, she was like laughing and i was laughing and we laughed for 1/2 hour. then our tummys hurts and we can’t even eat lunch. ;DD but it was funn. And she end up not buying anything. I showed her the way she holds all the other soft toys and laughed at the same time. people walk past and look at us but we don’t give a damn, ‘cos we’re having funn! and she kept on asking me to stop it while laughing. ohohoh. i have an angel! (: weiyu has too. hers is hidden mickey. mine is “delcine”. weiyu’s a really super nice person. ;D

and. it’s not that i regretted about transferring, it’s just that i couldn’t forget.

Mr Right + Ms Right = Mr and Mrs Wrong. ;D

What’s the feeling of acting, and pretending and lying to that person?
What’s the feeling of stringing someone along?
What’s the feeling of playing on the inside, but acting on the outside?
What’s the feeling of hatred inside, but you’re actually putting on a smile and love?
What’s the feeling of replying something you don’t even mean, and don’t even care?
What’s the feeling of someone being so nice to you, but in your mind it’s only about shaking her off?

You don’t know.

Oh! I’m going back to NY on the 6th. anyone coming? (: Weiyu and a few others going. And later, i’m going to meet her bf. And she was actually COUNTING THE DAYS she was going to spend until she sees him. It’s weird, k… She suddenly asked me this question:

Do you know the meaning of true love already? Have you ever felt it before?

Well, have you?

A simple yes or no answer is so difficult, yet so easy.

I bought heart stickers todayyaaee. (: I got three on my handphone, lol! and i gave the rest to weiyu. And i remember when she lends money from me like eg. $1.20 i’ll say no need 20 cents, and she’ll find means and way to give it back. And then we’ll fight and scream and all. Our class is crazy. (: they are all bonded and sweet. Well. except _____. Ohohoh. Today i was like in for a big surpirse. When the teacher was electing the class comittee ppl, the dance rap was actually yumeng la. then loads of people started asking if they can change, and when teacher say change to who, everyone was like, “BERNICE!!” seriously. i was totally shocked. i didnt know so MANY people loves me. (: hahaha.

life is so depressing. it’s like. you want to leave, but can’t. you want to run away, but can’t. so you stay and get shot.

i’m going to dieeee. ): secondary school life is tough.

someone, just shoot me.

A MESSAGE TO BERNICE’S MIND: hello, can you please stop thinking about crescent, thankyou.

and i miss dorothy.

i miss her laughter.

i miss my amusing class.

i miss my crazy class filled with crazy people.

i want crescent back.

iwantiwantiwant it.

CRESCENT = MY LOVEE.

i’ll never forget crescent.

i miss my life there.

i miss dorothy’s screaming.

and grabbing of hand during blind mice.

I’m going to make my ball tomorrow, not today. ): I went to the library today ‘cos i’ve missed the books so much. [: lol. yea, reading rocks. I borrowed 2 english and 1 chinese (forced. ): ). Later, i went to Popular. Then i went to buy school shoes from Converse. [: Then I went to the bus interchange, and something really really freaky happened there. I’m sending chills down my spine now, i’m really scared. I don’t want to say it out, it’s so scaryy… i keep on thinking about that, and like, i can’t even go up the stairs myself, i practically have to ask my maid to follow me to my room ‘cos i was so scared that what happened would be in my room. It’s sosososososo scary!!!!!!!! But i didn’t tell anyone. ohmygod, i don’t know when i’m going to stop freaking out. This is even worse than watching horror movies, k. THIS IS SUPER FREAKY. and i’m scared. i’m so scared. i don’t think i can sleep tonight. The image kept on appearing in front of me. No wonder my eyelids were twitching this morning. This was happenening. I’m going to die. diediedie. GOD, please help me erase this memory. stupidimage.stupidimage. this is soooo scary!!!! and it even happened in a dark shop. aaaahhhhh!!! i’m scared. i’m so scared. ):

yes, i still think of him.

When i was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching day. He said, “Son, when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken?”

You’re just so hard to forget, I really love you so so much.

Sometimes i get the feeling that i’m just living in a nightmare, and it’s going to be all right. Then i get the feeling that this is life. THIS is LIFE. and i hate it. why must this happen to me. i don’t get why. why do these people even exist. someday, i’m going to be the person who nabs them, the person who sets the rules, and never let this people make people uncomfortable.  yes, i am going to.

omg why can’t i just forget about you. you’re always in my mind, even though i don’t think about you.

Homework is depressing. There are tons, man. ): sec school life is going to be a challenge. a big challenge. And i’m already failing the first obstacle.

Are you sure you don’t love me, even for a second.

I’m so afraid i can’t cope. I talked on the phone with Nick for 1 hour and 2 minutes and dunno how many seconds. Then isaac called me and we chatted for about 35 mins. Sometimes, it feels so damn good talking to people. You feel more relaxed. But when the person ends the call, you feel the wave of dread comes over you again.

Say that you don’t love me to me, right in front of me, then i’ll believe it.

Some outside activities is good. Like bowling, ice skating, ballet, tennis, swimming…etc. (: apply for them. they help you relieve stress.

I still love you.

Oh, i remembered when we went to Korea, my dad saw the bag that says, “I’M NOT A PLASTIC BAG”. And he wanted to buy it!!! Then i told him that i had it. Then he said, “this one leh.” and pointed to another design. And it’s nice. really nice. It’s black and leathered. [: really sweet. When i took a look at the price tag, i almost fainted. 66,000 won. Which is equals to $107. and my father ALMOST BOUGHT IT. but my mum (the usual person who asks you not to buy stuff and save money. ;D) told him not to buy it, ‘cos i have the same one. Then my dad was like, “but it’s different!” and he seems really insistent about it. Then my mum finally said, “then will you use it?” (her usual method) Then my dad said, “oh. yea. but it’s still nice…” Then my mum was like, “IT’S $100+!” “DON’T WASTE MONEY!” My dad finally said, “okay lor.” ;DD hahaha. my dad’s like me. when we see something we like, we just want to buy it just to feel shuang. My mum is more practical. She’ll think about whether she’ll use it and all. -.- but that’s mothers for you.

School’s nicer, better. Weiyu’s a very nice friend. Although she’s abit love sickk. But her taste of songs are same as mine. Y’know, sometimes, old songs are still nice. That’s why advertisements, and movies play old songs. Like those in 1970s. My dad plays them in the car. And i love some of them. They really make sense. And sometimes, they are just so like how you feel.

Inconsolable by Backstreet Boys is nice.

OH PLEASE, people, please leave COMMENTS. (: i’ll feel really grateful, thanks.

I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare
I’m just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don’t fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I’m bored and I can’t fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever
I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare
I’m just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world.

I’m all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I’m just a kid tonight

This song is by simple plan. ;D it’s really nice. you should listen to it!

xxx

i still can’t get over the fact that i transferred school. I love crescent, k. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying that Nanyang isn’t good. But there’s just so much to give up… My friends, my life there, my teachers, my talent there, the tablet pcs, and everything… In Nanyang, i’m nothing, i’m just a loser, a nobody. But in Crescent, i’m with everyone, and i’m having the most fun i could ever have. And my talent always show there. Everyone wants to be good at something. And at crescent, i’m good at Canoeing. And i was even selected for Sports Cca. And i have to do calligraphy in nanyang, something that i suck at. In Crescent, i have the most supporting friends and teachers. Especially Dorothy. (hey girl, thanks for everything. You’ve been there. And i’m really sorry for leaving.) In Nanyang, i have to be who i was in Nanyang Pri. Life is so UNFAIR. I don’t know why la, but i was so so sad when i got into Nanyang. First few days was painful. Next few days was okay. But their orientation is not so fun. Crescent orientation rocks. (: they spent loads of money on us. But nanyang’s a good school… *sigh*, maybe i’ll just try harder, and adapt to nanyang. It’s going to be my life for another 4 years/6 years. Sometimes (or rather, most of the time), you don’t get what you want, you don’t get what you wish. Usually whatever you do is for your parents, for everybody else around you. And you keep it to yourself, without spouting it out. I want Crescent, i want to HAVE FUN, i want everything in crescent. Everywhere i go in nanyang remind me of crescent. I had so much fun during canoeing in crescent, i was actually selected for that cca la. And nanyang doesn’t have it. Crescent is a future school la. ;P When i go to the canteen in Nanyang, i think, “oh yea, here have this.” then later, “this is Nanyang, not crescent. Stop thinking about crescent!” i keep on thinking about crescent. I don’t know why. but i can’t look forward, i always stay in the past. And my crescent class is so freaking ENTHU. and my counsellors are so caring and loving. [: Crescent rules. And their school song is so nice!! Crescent will always, always remain in my heart, no matter what. But i would like to thank Wei Yu (YOU’VE BEEN GREAT!), Xin Wei (or Pauline?) (YOU’RE FANTASTIC), RAE! (rock on, girl.), Yuan Mei, Qian Yi, Ashley, Joanne (or Joan?), Kayla, and etc and etc. You all have been there for me in Nanyang. I hope you’ll continue to help me! (: You all are fantastic. I love you. ;D

I had my first bowling lesson last sunday. Tomorrow i’m going to make my ball! The first time i bowled after Coach taught me, i got 73. ): then later i got 164. (: after he pointed out my mistake. And i’m going to competitions. (: and i used a 6 pounds ball. )):: haha. isaac said that i should be using 11 or 12 pounds. and i used a two times lighter ball. hahaha, lol! i suck. (btw, isaac, i want your 11 pounds ball, I’ll redrill the holes, and THANKS!, bro.) And isaac said that my coach sucks. How could he! i didn’t know that Singapore Poly was right beside ACS. Singapore Poly’s Bowling thing is really nice. (: and coach’s wife gives us sweets. Mint Mentos, when you bowl and you chew that, it’s pretty shuang. ;D
BE happy, Stay happy. (:
(i’m just a kid… and life is a nightmare, i’m just a kid, i know that it is not fair)
I’m playing I’m just a kid on repeat. ;D

My teachers are nice. {: they’re all “in”. and nanyang socks are ANKLED! (: isaac’s jealous, ha! his socks are LONG and NERDY. ;P lol… ooo! their bookshop is nice. (: andandand. It’s so cool taking public bus home. Serious. (: you are care-free and all. and i forgot to bring my ezlink card for two days. And i’m always changing notes for coins.

WHYWHYWHY AM I LIVING ALWAYS IN THE PAST? WHY! WHY CAN’T I JUST MOVE FORWARD?
i used tried to make things better, and i always thought it’s my fault, and i regretted so much, and i wanted you back, and i wanted the past. But i’ve moved forward from that. I saw you. I saw you talking to me. I re-read your message(s) for one whole day. I know, i know i should give up already. I know who you are. And i can’t change that. Goodbye, dear friend, goodbye. You’re another person who just came and exited. But you’re always in my memory, sweetie, the good times are always here. And, thanks for everything, friend. But i’m not trying anymore. It’s over, over. I’ve forgotten about it, i won’t say anything else, i’m already forgetting.

Sometimes, it’s really amazing how someone can transform. Someone who hates you and helps you. (it’s interesting, isn’t it?) Someone who bad-talks you, someone who hais you. But she helped you from a Major Crisis. I don’t hate you anymore. I admire you, for who you are. You are kind to everyone, even to people whom you hate. All the best, girl. Rock on.

Wow, it feels so good to get this all out. You just need to listen to emo songs on repeat, and then you can write almost anything.

oh, and JINGWEN (the IT savvy girl) made a DISPLAY PICTURE FOR ME! It’s a picture of Little Miss Helpful but instead of the words Little Miss Helpful, it’s Little Miss BERNICE. <3 it. thanks so much, jingwen. (:

I’ve learnt to be independent. I’ve learnt to be a loner and ‘ve learnt to not care. ‘ve learnt to do many things on my own. Not being sad, and feeling like a fool. I’ve got friends, but not anyone that close enough. I’ve learnt to be just a friend, someone who actually existed, but fading slightly. I’ve learnt to pretend, I’ve learnt to be nice. I said hi and smile to people whom i dislike. Sometimes, it’s just better this way.

Oh and i notice that tanned guys are much more charming than white guys. It’s not that i’m obsessed or anything. But when they walk past, i just notice. White guys are so…..average (a better word ;D). oh and i saw cynthia at the bus stop on the way hommee. home is the best place on earth.

NOBODY’S VISITING MY POOR PATHETIC BLOG. ):

ohwell. at least i’m posting. (:

Crescent rocks.

I mean, really, really rocks.

I went Canoeing with the CGS canoeing team, and whoo yeah, i got selected. [: with my partner.

The coach took pictures of us with our boats and all...

Being in the water is so cool. Like, at first, you can't really canoe; the whole shaft is difficult to handle. And my partner and i were shouting and screaming at each other 'cos we're so screwed. Later we kinda got the hang of it and yeah, we were starting to get pretty good. ;P We were enjoying it, and shouting left and right, and getting really confused, 'cos if you wanna go right, you gotta push your left side. We were telling each other to overtake which boat, but later we didn't really care 'cos we need alot of attention on our own boat. ;D We past all the obstacles smoothly, and lined up smoothly. and the coach remembers my name! Right... 2 hours flew by quickly, and we ended. ): You guys should really try canoeing, it rocks! (:

Then when we got up from the canoe, i ACCIDENTALLY knocked over a guy and he was so angry (but he was so stoopid to know that it was me) 'cos he fell into the water and a bunch of vulgarities came out. Oops! But anyway, it was on ACCIDENT. I had to try my best to control my laughter. And yes, the canoe is reallyreallyreally heavy. But that's the other canoe, the CGS's canoe is damn light. ;D

On the first day of school, i met some really girly people, and dorothy and i were laughing like mad. Everyone in our class is crazy, and dorothy kept on asking me to stop laughing 'cos people think that we're crazy too. But she was the one laughing first. And she laughs at practically every single person. We had a sports trail and dorothy and i got in! ;D We gave a few (actually quite a number) of people names. I won't say it out, though. Then we cheered our cheer. It goes like this, "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, HUCKLEBERRY PIE! 1C3, 1C3, RISE RISE RISE! GIMME A ONE! (1) GIMME A C! (C) GIMME A 3! (3) WHAT DO YOU GET? 1C3! (cheer, scream, whoot, etc...) Second day, we umm, listened to some talks and cheered and laughed more... and i received the news that i got into Nanyang. And, me and dorothy were making serious friends! (although we were laughing secretly at them) And dorothy and I were acting polite, but apparently, dorothy can't act, and she actually followed a girly girl's actions! (the flapping of fingers as she talk in this girly voice) Oh God, i'm laughing. Third day, we did a quest, and i said bye to everyone, and wow, the response was overwhelming. Alot of people actually hugged me and begged me not to go. And dorothy didn't congratulate me until i had to go. ): And geraldine hates me now for getting in. )): Okay, the quest was fun. Dorothy and I were voted by our class to be the blind mice, and she kept on clinging onto me. We were so scared when we were dragged to the middle of the basket ball court, and she kept screaming. And when they told us to start, dorothy and i were still standing, not moving. And they said start loudly again, then we moved. And then suddenly, we got separated and dorothy was shouting my name. Anyway, we collected some stuff and the ice cream sticks were actually 0 points! waste of effort, man. then dorothy and i were laughing, 'cos we were getting shot by water guns (they were used by other groups to distract us) and she complained that her whole back was wet. And before we started, Dorothy asked me to use our blindfolds to cover our ears so that water can't get in and she asked the water gun shooters to shoot into other people's ears. (i'm laughing now, like mad.) Then later we used some strings to hold on to a marker to write. Cool. I won't go into that, but it's fun. And we were negotiating with our point-giver, and we kept on saying that our 'i' can be seen. But she asked us to keep our mouth shut. ): and we lost 4 points. bloody "i". Then we did water bombing, and we got one water bomb almost to the end, and dorothy was second last, i was third last, so when i almost threw the water bomb to her, she started screaming histerically. really. she was like, "AHH! AHH!" and i can't throw. anyway, i threw in the end and i turned back to look at her and she was catching it with both hands on top of her head. [ohmygod i'm laughing again.] and we got it to the end! we’re one of the only two groups that did. Then we dressed up our model with newspapers and kitchen foil and all. And when we were wrapping her legs with scotchtapes and one girl went like, “ZAZAZA” and she wasted so many scotchtape and Dorothy was like, “OI OI OI! you’re wasting scotchtape! stop!!!!” but that girl didn’t. and i was laughing. and then when our model came out, she waved her hands and said “HELLO!” and her hat (made of newspaper) came off. Dorothy was laughing like hell behind me. And i laughed twice harder ‘cos No.1, of her laugher, and No.2, of the hat falling off. Then Dorothy kept on repeating, “We wasted so much scotchtape “ZAZAZA” (and she did the actions) to wrap around her legs, and her hate dropped off.” and i was laughing and laughing.  And then we cheered.

And i don’t know whether we lost, or won. ): ‘cos i had to leave… and i missed the CAMPFIRE!!! Crescent rocks, k. You get to wear track shoes to school. It’s a FUTURE SCHOOL. and a kind of sports school. and the only school which has canoeing as a cca. :D:D:D:D

xxx

i think Crescent’s really a great school.
and i’m so scared of transferring.
‘cos i won’t know anyone.
and i won’t know anything.
IT”S SO FREAKY!!!
Ming En got transferred into my class ‘cos i transferred out, and everyone was kinda dislike her. ): and they were asking me to stay, and alot of them wanted to tear out the transfer form.
Oh ya, one more thing, when dorothy went to change into the PE clothes, we brought the plastic bag and by the time she changed finished, the classroom door was locked. We don’t know how to put the plastic bag on her desk. Luckily, her desk was just right beside the window, and i opened it and stuffed it in. dorothy was laughing and laughing. and i managed to stuff it in although i was laughing. Then our key holder rushed to us and asked if we need to open the door but we already stuffed the things in. All the way down we were still laughing. and, on our first day, i also shared with dorothy my p6 life, and she shared hers. [dorothy, cling wrap!]

anyway, back to just now…
i’m so scared that i’m going to be like mingen! everyone won’t know me and all…
and i have to adjust again… )):::
i hate transferring. ):

okay, bye, i gotta go!

please support my blog…save it! it’s dying, and it’s all partly my fault.

why must you be such an idiot.
Why must you act like a tough guy.
You’ve forgotten your manners.
You don’t even know what thankyou is for.
I feel like screaming at you.
But i didn’t.
And, i have no regrets in saying this to you,
YOU SUCK.
and get real.
You don’t have to change to some weirdo saying stupid stuff and scolding people with no rhyme or reason.
I hate you.
alotalotalot.

tata!

byee!

see ya!

loves. <3

xxx

When you don’t fit in, you become superhuman. You can feel everyone else’s eyes on you, struck like Velcro. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you’re standing right there. You can scream, and nobody hears a sound.

  You become the mutant who fell into the vat of acid, the Joker who can’t remove his mask, the bionic man who’s missing all his limbs and none of his heart.

  You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can’t even remember what it was like.

xxx

I used to be the normal, ordinary person, that everyone is familiar with. As time passes, as circumstances change, i changed too. Sometimes, we change, without knowing it. You just want to fit in, like everyone is trying to. You want to be the ‘it’ girl. You change, just to fit in. To a totally different person. You wake up every morning, being someone you don’t know, being some freak that everyone loves. It’s hard to put on a fake bright smile when you want to cry. It’s hard to have fun when you’re hurting inside. It’s hard to play along when you want to break down. It’s hard to say, “it’s okay” when you want to scream and shout. The hardest of all, is to be happy, when you are devasted. It’s hard to lie, and be truthful. You want to tell everyone, that no, this is NOT me. But you know that you can’t. It’s hard to pretend that you come from a perfect family, just like everyone else’s. It’s hard to even say, “i promise”, when you know you’ll lie. People know you as the “secret keeper”, they tell you everything, without knowing everything’ll be given out. You try to keep them, but you can’t, ‘cos you’re not the girl that’s showing on the outside. You’re slim on the outside, but fat on the inside. You eat little, even when you’re very hungry, just to show that you’re capable of being slim. You drink just a cup of orange juice for breakfast, to keep a good shape. But, your stomach is empty, grumbling every minute. How you wish for that plate of spagetti, how you wish for that bowl of rice. You look into the mirror, and say, “good, you’re slim.” But you know that it’s tough, being slim. But you act as if it was so simple, you act as if it was a gift from God. You’re acting in a show, not knowing when it’s ending. It’s tiring, hateful, and depressing.

isaac lost his phone. haha. ;p

i don’t know you, not anymore.

i’m wearing the bracelet i bought from korea. The one that i totally forgot about buying. It’s Dior. And there’s a little shoe hanging.

i played Hexic with isaac on MSN, and i won him! ;P nananipupu. and plus, i’m a beginner! [:
stop bragging. but he won the first game, and, his average is higher. ):):):

Christmas Day is a nice day. Where you receive presents, see the Christmas lights shining, see it blinking, glittering. See the little Santa Clause at the top. My cousins and aunties and uncles came to my house and we played games, had fun, and sang songs! I’m totally NOT a fan of karaoke, but like, everyone was urging me to sing, and like, woah, i just took over the mike. haha. And i realized that singing with a mike is fun! And everyone’s looking at you, like you’re the star. It’s kinda sweet. Yes, i’m a noob. ): But my cousin’s voice is really nice. And she can read last-time-chinese-words and i can’t!

xxx

Laughter fills the room, making you join in the fun. You’re in a crisis now, but everyone’s tossing your hair, smiling at you. You ‘join’ in the fun, while your heart beats away, and your brain is working frantically.

xxx

Sometimes you fix things up, and they fall apart again.

xxx

That look on your face, that eyes of yours, that voice, and your words. I can’t believe you said that, and i can’t believe that i even heard that. You listen to people. Not me anymore. You don’t trust me like you used to. You don’t laugh with me anymore. You’re drifting, i’m drifting. We’re not friends anymore. You don’t talk to me like you used to. YOU DON’T EVEN CARE. If i died, i don’t even think you’d cry. We used to be so close, used to have fun, used to cheer each other up, used to shout and cheer for each other. We used to laugh, and bet on our results. We used to compare whose results are poorer, we used to help each other on work. We used to copy answers. It’s all over, all over.

this is post is for natalie & elizabeth, btw. ;DD

some people are at my house now & i’m stuck with my brother’s comp. and i’m not used to comp keyboards so like, yeah, my typing is super slow with loads of mistakes. ): argh. but at least i get some privacy in here. ;D

but there was a part of her that wondered what would happen if she let them all in on the secret – that some mornings, it was hard to get out of bed and put on someone else’s smile; that she was standing on air, a fake who laughed at all the right jokes and whispered the right gossip and attracted the right guy, a fake who had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be real… and who, when you got right down to it, didn’t want to remember, because it hurt even more than this.

It’s all in a mist, in a book of the past. It’s all blurry, all faded. Why l0ok back? Take a step forward, to the future.

but, i can’t.

i thought i knew you so well, but i’m totally wrong, you’re just another stranger to me..

Sometimes, you want to take a pillow and throw it hard, real hard, at the wall.
Sometimes, you want to take a chair, and fling it out of the window.
Sometimes, you want to shake and hit and scream at someone.
Sometimes, you just want to sit…and cry.

You can love, you can lust, you can use me…all you want.
You can lie, you can trust and confuse me.
I’ll be here forever, even if you leave.

Oh god, i have to go now. ):

BYEE! ;D

loves <3

xxx

it’s never too late to apologise. but when it’s over, it’s over. that’s all.

xxx

i’ve been running from the past, running from where it all started.
when i finally came to somewhere private, somewhere which allowed me to think things clearly, everything fell into place.
yes, it’s my fault.
i wrote my letter of apology down in a flash, and read through it again and again.
i’ve apologised, and a big rock have fallen from my back.
i’m through carrying, through thinking.

xxx

“it’s better having one best friend than having so many friends around you.” (fyi, disney channel said this.)

i think that is totally right. what’s the use of having so many friends, when you can confide in none of them?

xxx

right… i’m abit weird these days.
anyway, this blog is going to be dead soon. not alot of people are posting comments. sigh.

tomorrow, the results of the sec school are being released. i totally forgot about it until isaac reminded me this morning. he got a pair of shoes from timberland! that’s so NOT fair. [i want one!] and his mum confiscated the sister-brother necklace he wanted to give me! ): whatthehell. okay, i’m not angry. but she’s just wasting his money! she’s so…unreasonable. i’m not supposed to be rude. so, let’s stop talking about his mum.

i’m not exactly worried about what secondary school i’m going to. i mean, it’s just another world i’m going to enter, and i’m going to start anew, be a fresh new person…whatever. but i just hope that whatever school i’m going to, i’ll be happy there!

xxx

i went shopping on saturday. to robinsons. i told myself NOT to buy anything, and just choose clothes for my mum. but i just couldn’t resist buying a levi shorts. y’know, those umm, short shorts? i don’t have one from levi! so, i bought it. at first, i was totally like, “wow, look at that shorts.” and i went to try on sizes. then my mum secretly came up to me, (‘cos all of the assistants were beside me, helping me, as nobody else was buying their goods.) and asked, “how much is it?” then i went searching for the price tag and…it’s… $129.50. at first i was like, “$129.50″. then i registered what i’ve just said. then i was like…what? anyway, my mum still bought it for me. she said that i don’t have that kind of shorts from levi, so she bought it. then we went searching for clothes for my mum, and we bought christmas presents, then she went to pay for all of them while i went to queue up at the gift wrap counter so that we won’t waste time. at first, i saw two queues, one just right in front of me, one at the end. and, in front of those two, there’s a sign saying, “GIFT WRAP COUNTER.” so, i just took the one right in front of me. while queuing up, i began looking at those baby toys beside me. after a long while, i realise that the queue isn’t even moving. then i began to look around, and i saw the sign in front of the queue i was queuing in. it said, “COLLECTION OF (something.)” then i looked at the other queue. it said, “GIFT WRAP COUNTER.” i’ve been queuing for 10-15 mins for nothing? i just muttered, “f**k” under my breath and ran towards the queue. if i had been earlier, it would soon be my turn! i was so angry with myself. anyway, it didn’t take very long but y’know, it was still a waste of 10 – 15 mins. *sigh*.

then i bought another storybook and we went home. at about 10.30pm. (fyi, we reached there at about 2 + pm.)

xxx

hmm. i just wanna say, good luck to all p6s, may they go to a school that they love and would be happy there!

BYE!

anyong-ni kasayo!

“when’s the last time you had a real good laugh?
when’s the last time you look into the sky and smiled?
when’s the last time you looked at your mum and noticed that she has a few more wrinkles?
when’s the last time you gave someone a real warm hug?
when’s the last time you gave yourself a little pat on your back?
when’s the last time you looked into the mirror and liked what you see?
when’s the last time you liked yourself for who you are?
love yourself for who you are, and never forget the happiness you have in you.
and, when you’re procastinating about life, about work, about unfairness, feel grateful to what you have in front of you.
not many people will understand for who you are, people can slam you, say things bad about you without knowing the real reason or story, but it’s okay, life goes on. don’t think too much, things will pass.”

xxx

i really don’t know how some people get bored. i mean, there are so many things for us to do. I have so many things to do a day. Eg.

1. Do some stuff for my mum.

2. Practice piano.

3. Play computer games.

4. Blog.

5. Watch TV.

6. Eat.

7. Reread a few of my books.

8. Daydream.

and what do i manage to do?

1. daydream.2. reread a few of my books.3. blog.4. eat.5. watch tv.and, that’s why i always end up with a list of what i’m supposed to do tomorrow, the day after, and the day after the day after. it’s just all because of what i didn’t do the day before! i always daydream the most. like, i can sit staring in space for one whole week if you don’t disturb me. and, i always think big. i always think of the impossible. no, it’s nothing about being successful in life. sometimes, what i daydream about actually happens, only slightly different. it’s freaky, but cool. anyway, think of things to do, and i’m sure that you won’t be bored! [: xxxsometimes, when you feel like you wanna scream at a person, the person will always say something nice, something that you want to hear. it’s really amazing. as if the person knows that you wanna bite his head off. but you just can’t, after what he/she said. life really amazes me. it’s like, you’re living in this,,,,place. controlled by someone you dont know. it’s like a game. someone’s moving the pieces, and the pieces are you. whether you’re lucky or not, it depends on that person.and, if you fall, you gotta pick yourself up and walk again. ’cos if you don’t walk, you won’t know how to walk the path in front of you. you dont know how steep, how rough, or how perfect the path is. trust yourself, believe in yourself, and only yourself. if people say that you suck, don’t give it a damn. and, don’t fight back. listen to your own instincts. even if the whole world says yes, and you say no, don’t change your answer. 

xxx

yesterday was a blast! it was totally fab!

1o am -> natalie came to my house. she showed me her totally new fab phone.
(but later she told me that she’s changing back to her old one! ): )

10 am to 11 am -> we worked on how to use that really cute phone. and we tried sending songs. but it was really frustrating. &, we exchanged presents.

natalie gave me a really fab necklace. it has two hearts. she bought from Girls! how cool is that?

i gave her a really nice 18k diamond earring from korea. she looks really nice in it!

then we both wore our gifts. hahaha.

11am to 12.30pm -> played the comp.

12.30pm to 1.pm -> ate lunch & watched TV.

1.pm to 1.20pm -> played reversi with jacob. we won him twice!  thanks to nat.

1.20pm to 3.30pm -> we did something top secret, but nat was really funny. we kept on laughing the whole time. especially the first time we tried it. she was like, so totally, funny! she called a tissue paper a cushion!!! and she even put my pillow in front of my handphone so that when it drops my phone won’t spoil! and many other things. hahaha. just thinking about it, i’m laughing like hell. (:

3.30pm to 4pm -> we splashed water at each other! she changed into my clothes, & went into the shower! then we each took a plastic cup and fill it up. we each took one end of the shower then we held our cups and counted one, two, three then we splashed! i was a little more drenched than natalie! ): anyway, it was really fun! our shirts were soaked like hell. and we kept on snatching the tap. natalie got a shower cap! and i don’t. ): but she has to go home mah. so my hair was pretty wet. before i told her not to splash at my hair, she took the whole cup filled with water and splashed! but it was really funny! but we were doing it secretly. shhh. don’t tell anyone! and, we weren’t wearing any shorts, ‘cos we don’t wanna make so many clothes wet for nothing. so, i was looking for something to wrap myself (just in case!), but natalie just dashed to my room! and she was shouting for me like hell!!! it was so funny!!! ohmygod, i’m laughing again. so, i got no choice but to dash in too. we quickly dried ourselves in our room & act all normally when we came out. hahahahahahaha. i really wish we could do it again! and this time, maybe throw water bombs in the garden! so, when the water bomb bursts, the water will be given to the plants & the grass! see, i’m so nature friendly! joking. this is the funnest thing, man.

4pm to 4.20pm -> ate nuggets and french fries. natalie loves my nuggets, haha! then we scooted around my carpark, and i was video taping her. haha. so fun! i snapped a few pictures too. she’s like a model on a scooter! haha. then, her mum came and fetched her home… ): how sad!

but anyway, we are going to meet each other again on the 27 dec. to go ice skating and to take neo prints! and watch a movie. and go to her house. right, time is going to be a bit tight… and we are really hoping to be keeping in contact till old. natalie was saying that next time, when we walk on the road, natalie will see me, and she’ll say, “hey, you look very familiar.” then we’ll look at each other with regonisation and say, “ooo! choconats!” “oooo! berries!” and hug each other. okay, maybe that’s abit of a movie. but whatever, we really hope that it’ll happen.

xxx

wow, it seems like the girl that i hate is being hated by other people too. i thought no one’ll hate her, except me. ‘cos she acts so perfect. anyway. alot of you know her. and, i think she reads my blogg too.

xxx

i have to go now! byee!

-choconats and berries, the girls in the next line to being famous-

looks like we found ourselves up against the wall.
in need of a little help, but no one wants to call.

after all we’ve been through,
do we let our friendship end?

you need me and i need you,
no, we will not break.
but even if we bend, it’s you and me together.
i’m always on your side.
NO ONE, NO ONE, NO ONE can ever change it.

Anyone can have a day,
when their heart is on their sleeve
no one wants to see it our way
can’t agree to disagree.
you’d think it’d be easier,
but it feels like you just can’t win.
but somehow we’ll make it work.
‘Cause we deserve it – you know we’re worth it,
you can’t give up on friends.

xxx

natalie is so funny.

she kept on saying funny stuff!

and she makes me laugh loads of times.

natalie: -_-”

what?! it’s true. that’s what you are!

true friends love you because of your imperfections and faults, NOT in spite of them.

xxx

the chocolate that jiawei gave me is simply delicious. i just tried it today with natalie.

it’s Van Houten. i used to hate Van Houten chocolates, but this chocolate is really nice.

you should really try it! this company is really good. it’s here since 1828.

wait, pause, natalie just drop the ball, tennis ball, & i just bent down to pick it up.

okay, CONTINUE…

oh, go to natalie’s blog, it’s so nice! if you wanna know more about the chocolates in my house & other stuff.

the chocolate is called: SEMI SWEET ALMONDS. [whole almonds coated with Van Houten Semi-Sweet Chocolate]

YUMMY!!!

xxx

i hate someone.

called.

_ _ _ _ _ _

she sucks!!!

she LIED. to make people hate me.

she acts as if she’s so cool. so great.

she’s like so evil. (natalie)

she’s so bloody assy bitchy!

why can’t she just tell the truth?!

WHYWHYWHY must she lie?!

telling the truth is so easy, why can’t she just tell the truth?

why does she HAVE to lie?

don’t crap anymore!

i hate you. so much.

you SUCK!

you tell people that i asked.

when it’s YOU who asked me.

you big fat liar!

you asshole! bitchhh!!!! *!@#%$^&*)@$%$

you made everyone think the opposite of me.

you made me suffer.

you act as if you’re so good at ______________.

but why can’t you just admit that you SUCK?

you pretend that you like ______________ so much.

but you don’t have _________!

its impossible to love_____ if you don’t have ____!!

stop lying, you FAKER. get lost.

if you wanna lie about someone, lie about YOURSELF.

’cause you already lied about almost every thing about yourself. so, what’s the harm lying more?

i think you know that it’s you.

so, i would really appreciate it if you would SHUT YOUR CRAP UP.

thank you. very very much.

xxx

To a special someone:

 Hey you, I know I’m in the wrong.Time flies, when you’re having fun.You wake up, another year is gone.You’re twenty one. I guess you want to know why I’m on the phone.It’s been a day or so.I know it’s kinda late.But, happy birthday. I know you hate me.Well, I miss you too.I know it’s kinda late.But, happy birthday. I’m really sorry for whatever I’ve done.Have a great life, and a happy birthday.Although I’m not there this time, I hope you’ll know that this song is just for you.I hope you’ll still remember me, till you reach a 100.I’ll do the same, just as you asked me to. 

xxx.

   Accidents come with conclusions.I’m numb.I can’t feel, it’s just confusion. Teardrops paint the faces,despair is contagious. And the lights are out,I’ll be shining on.I’m just going to let my life bleed on this letter. 

xxx

 I never think about you,but you’re always on my mind.I’m getting over you most of the time.If I say it like I mean it,then maybe I’ll believe it like it’s true.And I’m better off without you,and I think it’s what I want. 

xxx

 You’re scared, it shows.Been there, you’re not prepared to be in love with me.So soon cause you’ve been through enough to have something to hold you back. We don’t need to go that far,let’s hold on to where we are.If it’s real, we’ll make it through.‘Cause all I need is you. They say don’t waste your time.They’re obviously blind.So let’s forget the words.The thoughts they put into your head.Don’t give up just yet. We don’t need the world right now, we’ve got time to work it out.Hold on tight, I’ll hold on too.‘Cause all I need is you. 

xxx

To another someone:

 Was it you who said that you could never get enough of me?Did you confess that when we were alone you had to tell yourself to breathe?So maybe I should feel a little more like I’ve been living in a dream.Well, I’m asking you.Should I stay? Even though I love you,I can’t help thinking about if I’d be better without you.If we stay together,It could get worse then again maybe it could get better.Something’s wrong, we both know.That you and I still got a long way to go. Why would you wanna be with me instead of other girls?Make me feel like something special God think I’ve heard a million times.So would it be enough to buy you everything and call you mine?‘Cause we won’t last long if I do.  

She wanted to disappear,
wanted to be left alone.

But everybody didn’t believe her, and soon, she didn’t even believe herself.
She start to wonder, why, must this happen to her.
She asked God if this is a test. She decided to just lie to end all this.

She asked God for His forgiveness,
then took a step to the world of lies.

She solved the problem, but is it the way she wanted it to end?

She didn’t fight for her rights.

She lived in her own world of truth,
and others lived on her lies.

She asked herself,
“What’s the point of lying when you only feel guilty and regretful soon after?”

But she reminded herself, as if consoling, “I lied because i wanted all this to stop, i wanted people to stop blaming me.”

She lived in misery, lived with her own lie. The lie got so big, she didn’t even have the courage to tell people that she lied, because if she did, they wouldn’t believe her, and she’ll only be known as a liar.

Can you see what happens to a person when she/he is being wronged?

Next time, when you only hear, and not investigate, don’t spread what you’ve heard. And when you’re wronged, don’t give the person who started the rumour the ease. YOU give YOURSELF the ease.

Does it really matter, you ask. The world’s like that, anyway. You’ve been taught to just leave other people’s business alone. But next time, put yourself in their shoes. Would you want someone’s help?

And, so what if your friend makes fun of you when you’re helping someone? If everyone hates a person that you want to help, but everyone told you not to, then you don’t just because you want to join in the ‘crowd’, you’ve really let God down.

God’s watching your every move.

You lie, and everyone thinks you didn’t, but only you and God knows. You feel guilty. You want to admit, but you just don’t have the courage. You rehearsed what you’re supposed to say when you admit, but everytime when it’s time to show what you’ve rehearsed, you just can’t say it. So why can’t you just tell the truth right from the start? It’s so easy to lie, but so difficult to tell the truth.

Everytime you tell a lie, you’d think, “It’s just another lie, no one’ll know.”

Except YOU.

When people ask you about something you’ve lied, you answer it with another lie without knowing it.

A promise is a promise. You never know whar comes in the future. At that moment, you really think that you’ll do the promise. But as circumstances change, you break the promise without even realising it.

And, stop lying to yourself. You tell yourself, yes, i’ll do it this time. But you know you won’t. You’ll only lie forever, without kicking this contagious habit.

I’m just passing a message to everyone, including myself:

Stop lying, unless very necessary.
Because once you start, you won’t stop, and the lie will get bigger.

And, friends love you just the way you are. You don’t have to change, or lie to them about who you are.

Hope this post would be worth my typing!

i love the weather there.

i mean, i love the weather there.

it’s so nice! cool & refreshing… & i’m so thrifty this holiday!!!

the shopping there is totally ‘wow’ & i bought only:

a nike shirt.
an adidas bag.
2 shorts (one black, one white).
2 earrings.
a pair of really nice & unique shoes.
a box of really yummy dark chocolate.

that’s all! isn’t it amazing? i’m very happy with myself! of all the places we went shopping, my favourite place is the (somethingsomethingsomething) which sold every ming pai huo! it’s totally cool! the nike shirt that i bought was only like, $32+! it was on SALE! my mum almost bought this Gucci bag for $800+ but then decided not to ‘cos my dad said that singapore is cheaper! but singapore don’t have that design! ): why didn’t my mum just sign on that damn line & take the bag?! that bag was so nice! she almost wanted to purchase it, but that stoopid sales assistant told her that the evening bag was nicer (no doubt she wanted to earn $200 more ‘cos the evening bag costs $1000+) then my mum said that she’ll ask my dad then she’ll come back. she ALMOST bought it!!!!!! argh! my mum & i regretted not buying the bag, man. but it’s already over…sigh. i’m going to find that bag. i’m sure i can. there should be some in singapore…somewhere.

skiing is totally fun! i love skiing! you go up the slope, then you slide down. my parents pulled my brother & i up, ‘cos if not we have to waste time to pull ourselves up. then “wheee”, you slide down. & it SNOWED!!! but only once. ): it snowed when we’re at the skiing resort.

but something reallyreallyreally scary happened when we’re at one of the shopping centres.

MY YOUNGER BROTHER GOT LOST! i cried, i really cried. i thought he got taken away…i thought that i’ll never ever see him again. i’m not boasting, but all our 3 tour guides love him, so they tried ways & means to find him. they made announcements, went up all the escalators to find him. my brother was lost in a FOREIGN COUNTRY! my mum cried too. OMG. i really don’t know what came over me, i just cried. my dad was the calmest. he lost my brother, & found my brother. &, throughout all, he was CALM. it was like, whatthehell. his precious son is lost, & he was calm. i guess some people are just like that. when my dad finally brought him down, i was so damn happy, relieved, & i hugged him tight. it was the most scariest day of my life, i think. okay, maybe not. one of the most.

there were some shops named after isaac! it was so cool. they sold bread & coffee. hahaha.

the theme parks there are fun! your heart practically drops at EVERY ride. the 360 degrees roller coaster is OMG, so so so scary. you hang upside down for like, a few seconds. then it goes round & round. so fun!!!! but really frightening.

& we watched a break dance show, called “B-Boyz”. one guy took off his shirt to reveal his six pacs. then my dad said that he used to have six pacs too. i was totally shocked, man. but he said that he stopped training & in the end, he only had one pac [i think you all know what it is! haha!]

i got so much to say about korea, but i’m really tired now. maybe i’ll talk about it another time. (:

xxx

i had an ice skating birthday party yesterday! it was fun! i really pity jacob, he was always the last & he always keep falling. but there are a few very fast learners:

- Jeremy

- Isaac

- Jia Wei

 first time skating & yet, they can skate pretty well!

& when everyone went off, my mum told me that my dad said that there’s one guy who’s good looking. then i just looked at her & asked, “who?” my mum said, “this black black guy.” there’s only ONE. & it’s…….jia wei. i’m seriously NOT joking. you can ask my parents. my mum said, “are you SURE?” i was like, “only one ‘blackblack’ guy what.” then my mum also said that he’s good-looking. my dad said that he has some muscles, that’s why. i was like, “fats, more like it.” [haha!]

goldwin is one fantastic skater. he can skate really super well. i can’t keep up with him!!! ): & he didn’t even take any lessons!

isaac said that he love ice skating, & he wants to go again. haha! so, i’m going with him this saturday.
(we are just brothers & sisters, NOTHING ELSE.)

isaac at first bought the limited edition click five cd for me!!! but something really unexpected happened (don’t wanna talk about it) then he bought for me the normal one instead. but it’s still nice. [thanks, isaac.] i love “i’m getting over you.” here’s how it goes:

I found your picture in my wallet
Still got your sweater in my closet
I’ll bring ‘em by
Maybe tonight

I’m getting over you

it’s so nice! listen to it! i love flipside too. i love every song! ;DDD

i love everyone’s present. thanks! they’re really special & nice & sweet & unqiue.

xxx

choconates & berries are back on track! this tuesday is gonna be a fun time for them! (; all the best to them! may all go well!

xxx

gotta go now, don’t have much time! byee! i’ll post soon!